PDM Invaders and Mission Based Killers
by Nymphadora-CullenBAU
Summary: ONESHOT. A college student has computer problems, a virus on her laptop, and calls for tech support. Who does she get? Obviously AU, rated K  for slight language and teenage moodiness. Based on my own computer problems.


_**Sorry I've all but disappeared. I had midterms for the past couple weeks, then life got really hectic... TGIF!**_

_****deep breath** This is a long list... Okay, so I don't own Criminal Minds, How to Be a Serial Killer, House, Bones, Harry Potter, Twilight, MuggleNet or Vampire Mob. They belong to their respective owners and are simply mentioned in this story, which is obviously fictional because Tobias Hankel is both a fictional TV character, and dead. I wrote this for a laugh at my own computer problems, which were PDM . Invaders, except I did my own scan.**_

_**Spoilers for 2x14, 2x15 and any episodes where Reid and an UnSub face off and Reid comes out with an injury of some sort (No matter how slight).**_

...

It was another day for me. I'd finished a midterm, had another one tomorrow, and was completely stressed out. I wanted to relax; I was considering watching that new episode of _Bones _on Fancast, or seeing if the latest episode of _Vampire Mob _was up. Maybe I'd work on some fanfiction. I sat down at my laptop and opened it to the main page, which showed a Photoshopped picture of my cousin as a zombie. And got a very nasty surprise.

_**Virus shows similar behavior to PDM . Invader.**__ Show report._

"ARUGH!" I scream, pushing my chair back from the desk in annoyance, anger and most likely resignation. You see, this had been happening on and off for the last two weeks; everythime I opened my laptop, these notices would pop up on the screen, saying the same thing. And the fact that there were so many of them… It was _ANNOYING!_

"You know," I growl at my laptop computer in annoyance. "I'm about THIS CLOSE," I hold up my hand to the computer monitor, showing my thumb and forefinger about a centimeter apart, "to taking you to the chapel basement and having the IT guys rip into you, you got me?"

The computer said nothing. Of course it didn't; one, it was an inanimate object. It couldn't move, couldn't talk… It just sat there. Two, it was a machine, one I used to work on the various essays that were my livelihood when it came to grades, surf the Web when I was stalling for time when it came to doing those essays, and reading and writing my various stories and fanfictions.

I'd gotten into the fanfiction writing scene at the tender age of thirteen, while looking for an escape from the real world; life had thrown me a curveball that I'd rather not talk about in a published work, and said curveball had come to a head the summer before I'd started college. Between then and now, I'd written fanfiction for Harry Potter (Very bad ones, too, I might add), Twilight (I found the website didn't turn away my stories as readily as MuggleNet had), and, most recently, Criminal Minds (My guilty pleasure; when you're in love with a nerdy guy who could outsmart Einstein, life was good.

Another popup blinked onto the screen.

_**Virus shows similar behavior to PDM . Invader.**__ Show report._

"Screw you," I hiss, grabbing my cell phone in one hand and my Geek Squad files in another and quickly began dialing a number.

….

Tobias Hankel was sitting in his computer den watching sinners with his father. Just another normal Saturday night.

Tobias sighed; he wished his father would just go to bed so Tobias could watch the two new episodes of _Vampire Mob _that had just been posted. And then he could download that pirated copy of _How to Be a Serial Killer_ that he'd swiped from some guy's LimeWire downloads.

Tobias looked up from the screen of one woman doing something on her computer (Tobias guessed she was checking her Facebook, or shopping) when the phone rang; he sensed his father move away for the moment, allowing Tobias to take control of whatever situation was to come. Tobias quickly settled the headphones on his ears and adjusted the mic before answering.

"Tech Support."

A girl's voice answered. _"Hi. Hey. Look, ummm… My computer keeps getting these popups from my security program saying there's a PDM Invader, whatever that is. I was wondering if you could please do a scan for me, and see if there actually is something there, or if it's just an error."_

"Sure thing," Tobias answered. "Do you have a Mac or PC?"

"_PC."_

"Does your computer have a camera installed in it."

The girl hesitated. "_Ummm… Yeah, it does,"_ she said. _"Is there a reason why it shouldn't?"_

"No," Tobias quickly recovered, beginning the scan. "I just wanted to make sure. Are you having problems with your camera?"

"_Sometimes it won't turn on when I want it to,"_ she admitted. _"But it's nothing a restart won't fix in some cases. Or a trip to Best Buy."_

"I can help you with that, if you want," Tobias offered.

"_No, but thank you, though,"_ the girl replied. _"It's just that I saw an episode of this TV show where a guy was killing so-called sinners and then posting the murders on the Internet; he filmed them with the Web cameras on their computers. He killed six people and then kidnapped, drugged, tortured and nearly killed my favorite character."_

"That's… terrible." Tobias muttered.

"_That's not the end of it, though,"_ the girl continued. _"The character, Spencer Reid… he's kinda sorta a danger magnet. He's been held hostage, like, 100 times. He's been shot, infected with Anthrax, nearly blown up, held at knifepoint, held at gunpoint, beaten… and the whole drugged, tortured and nearly killed thing I mentioned before. And that's just canon on the show; you should read some of the fanfiction that fans come up with."_

"How bad is it?" Tobias asked.

"_Let's just say that if you are a very peaceful person, have some tissues ready. And maybe a brown paper lunch bag. You know, in case you start can get a bit… violent."_

"I'll take your word for it," Tobias replied as the computer in front of him beeped. "Your scan came back clean, there's nothing there. You're good for another 235 days before your warranty expires."

"_That's great! Thank you!"_ And with that, the girl hung up.

Tobias clicked out of the program, returning to the screen in front of him. He then noticed that his father was completely out of the way… Maybe things would finally go his way for once.

It was only when Tobias was halfway through a new episode of _House _on Fancast that he realized something.

He'd forgotten to install a Trojan into the girl's computer, so he could watch to see if she was a sinner.

….

"That's great!" I cried. "Thank you!" and I quickly hung up as I moved the touchpad mouse around to make sure my computer was under my control again.

_Don't you think it was kinda odd,_ I asked myself, _that the tech guy asked of you had a camera…_

"Nym," I muttered. "You gotta stop being paranoid! It's just a television show! Cheese!"

...

_A/N: ...Or is it?_

_Feedback is very much appreciated; please review!_

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_Best,_

_*~N_CBAU~*_


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